I'm trying to type this with my forehead pressed against the keyboard.

My little family is falling apart. I started feeling a sore throat last night and today I still have the sore throat but it has been joined by a headache and stomach ache...and I really just want to go to bed and sleep.

Jakob isn't feeling well either - but he's very much like the boy who cried wolf, or I should say the boy who cried I HATE SCHOOL, WHY DO I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY! I WANT TO SUE THE PEOPLE WHO INVENTED HOMEWORK! I NEED A DAY OFF!!! and therefore tends not to believed and is shuffled off to school everyday. Except that because I know how retched I feel, I'm pretty positive he's not well too.

But LUCY is at the house cleaning and there are few things I hate more than having other people in my house when I just want to sleep and am paying them to clean but they lead an isolating life and really just want to chat. Plus she's a little racist and inevitably our conversations end with her telling me to make sure my kids go to an all white catholic school.

And I have a massage booked this afternoon. No way am I missing out on an appointment with Thumbs of Steel Shirley.

Anyway, back to my falling apart family. Jakob managed to develop a massive blister on his toe which has now popped and looks hideous. He's absolutely horrified by it and wants it covered with 2 bandages at all times AND bandage tape. So that after 10 minutes he can pry off the bandage to see if it's still as horrific as it was 10 minutes ago. We're going through a lot of bandages right now so I picked up 140 yesterday which should last me until Thursday night. He also has impetigo on his shoulder and arms and that was pretty horrifying too. I always try to downplay whatever the kids are experiencing so they don't freak out, so with Jakob I would say that the rash really isn't so bad. We're going to the doctor to get special cream and it will be healed in no time. You're fine, it's fine...here have some ice cream. Then Satchel will walk by and see the spots and blurt out OH MY GOD, I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW BAD JAKOB WAS! THAT'S DISGUSTING! JESUS! IS HE GOING TO BE OKAY?

Shut up Satchel.

We have the cream, spots are healing, Jakob will be fine.

Satchel is now obsessing about the big scab on Jakob's knee and how he's pretty sure it's gangrene.

Shut up Satchel.

Satchel has molluscum contagiosum which is a viral infection predominately on his chest that looks worse than it is (like really bad acne) but for a 12 year old boy who takes swim at school, it's pretty devastating. We're off to a dermatologist next week but unfortunately it's something that usually just goes away on it's own..after many many months.

Paul was home sick yesterday and spent the day napping and watching movies. He was pretty close to death because found that even though he tried to play some violent game on the xbox 360, he just wasn't up to it and went back to bed.

He's much better today, in fact last night was greatly improved because his ability to game came right back. Whew.

Part of our Cayman experience was hanging with the dolphins. Dolphins fed caviar on a golden spoon...or at least they should be considering how much they charged us to spend not quite 30 minutes in the water.

But I had to buy the video - the look on Satchel's face when he was forced to kiss the dolphin made it worth every single penny.

Pucker up baby.





Our flight was late getting home so I'm operating on very little sleep today...and trying to adjust to the non 30* weather. Brutal. I keep thinking I should be able to throw on my bathing suit and grab the snorkeling gear but instead I'm grabbing the parka and an umbrella.

Can't wait to include more pictures and stories - but that will have to be tomorrow.

Cayman Islands equals:

Snorkeling every day

Living in a bikini (not as horrifying to others as I feared)

Swimming with dolphins

Swimming with stingrays

Para sailing

Drinking cold frothy concoctions

Wondering how I will figure out dressing warmly when we fly back on Tuesday.

One little vignette to post before signing off to return to drinking cold drinks in 30* weather:

Jakob snorkeling with a life jack singing Jingle Bells as he looks at all the species of fish and coral.

We are heading out tomorrow morning (4:00 am - GOOD GOD what was I thinking?!) for the Cayman Islands and as usual I have a stress knot in my stomach the size of a football. I hate packing. HATE HATE HATE it! But once I'm on the airplane, I will be relaxed in the knowledge that it doesn't matter what I've forgotten, it's too late.

I've been drinking white wine spritzers to help my through the process and I did have a pedicure this afternoon - my first in 2 years. I had a small Asian woman who spoke no English work on my sad little toes and I almost broke down in hysterics when she massaged my feet by punching them hard with the back of her hand, only to raise her head and smile at me occasionally during the assault.

Crazy...but I tipped her well.

I had better rush off to bed since I need to be up in 5 hours. Hopefully I will dazzle you with my photos on my return.

See you in a week!

It's recessionary wine time!

I couldn't bring myself to include this with my earlier post - for very obvious and orange reasons.

A great white wine recommended by a friend to serve at Paul's party...and again for just under $10!

Argento 2008 Pinot Grigio $9.85 (Argentina)

Aromas of pure pear, which are classic for pinot grigio, plus ripe bin apple, lime and a spicy overlay. On the palate, mellow lime, kiwi fruit and persistent pear. The finish shows uplifting citrus peel. Very fresh, fruity and friendly.

Rating: 88 out of 100

Nothing makes a girl feel all pretty like a freshly dyed mop of hair (Perfect 10, medium ash brown also known as Swift Chocolate). Swift? Because that's how most people (like my mother) eat chocolate? Swiftly.

I wonder who comes up with these names because frankly I think I would quite enjoy that job.

And then looking at my two big orange jugs which are to hold 48 hours of piss just kind of takes that feeling away. Especially the one with acid in it. Which, as the technician told me, "You don't pee directly into because..."

"It might splash up and BURN ME?!"

"Yes."

I would kind of like to take them to work with me, swinging them casually while on the subway. Leaving them in the office fridge for anyone to investigate and possibly sample.

At least they are a pretty colour.

Sometimes I'm amazed I don't get kicked off of blogspot for lack of use.

Oh well.

I believe a quick catch up is in order before I start swilling my midol down with a glass of wine.

Paul's party was fabulous! We had 25 people over drinking French Martinis and singing karaoke songs until 2 in the morning. Scotch was then consumed by Paul and a few other sordid characters until 3am when the party finally shut itself down. I woke up the next morning pondering a sore throat, was I finally getting the cold I've been fighting for the past week or is from totally nailing Material Girl by Madonna!

After being blown off again and again by now the subcontractor, the painter finally showed up and did some half ass repair work. But evil contractor is not responding to any of our calls or emails requesting a timeline since we THOUGHT this would take 2 days to finish up and we are now into the 2nd week with no end in sight. And now Paul would like to add CRAP JOB BY PAINTER to the agenda when evil contractor finally does call.

Time to give Jakob a bath, he smells bad as all 7 year old boys do.

Paul's birthday is tomorrow. I feel I should showcase some of the posters that will be hung, celebrating him and all his super-powerness.

More will be posted tomorrow - tonight, I clean, figure out the menu for the party...and hopefully sleep.

February 17 - no show, no call, no apology.

On Saturday he calls and leaves a message rescheduling for Monday February 23 but no call back confirming time. Finally emails Paul late last night to confirm 6pm TODAY.

Oops, nope, can't do it. Just called, double booked himself with his family.

So...tomorrow morning, 8:00 am.

If only people would have bet money on his actually showing up - I'd have a new carpet in my living room by now!

I ____ my contractor.

We are experiencing a dark cloud over the house - the kids are alternating sicknesses. Satchel now has strep throat and I'm frantically trying to find a doctor friend at home who will phone in a prescription for antibiotics.

My biggest fear is that Jakob will get strep...and then I will lose my mind. For good. FOREVER.

So...I may have mentioned that our contractor was to meet with Paul yesterday at 8:00am to walk through the house, finalizing the final few jobs needing attention under the warranty list and how much time it would take. Because he really wants to finish everything up this week.

Yeah, he didn't show.

Didn't call.

Didn't email.

He finally emailed Paul in response to his many phone messages and emails this afternoon to say he's at home with a cold and would call tomorrow or the day after to reschedule.

I wonder if he's feeling the huge number of toothpicks I have jammed into my voodoo doll?

Oh Mike Holmes, dressed in your undershirt, overalls and heavy gold chain, where are you when we need you?

My valentine present (minus the crazy person) from my darling husband:

The stress of sitting still for nearly 10 seconds almost made Jakob's head pop.

Pop.


My belated valentine's gift to you: DO NOT SEE PINK PANTHER 2, otherwise known as the film that completely destroyed Steve Martin's career. It will lead to excessive head banging against concrete structures and the damage to your children by the long stream of cursing over the $40+ spent to see such crap...well, the poor little things will have not only lost their innocence but may never get over the trauma.

DayofPink is a day of action, born when a youth in a high school in Cambridge, Nova Scotia was bullied because he wore a pink shirt to school. His fellow students decided to stand up to bullying;
and hundreds of students came to school wearing pink to show support for diversity and stopping discrimination, bullying and homophobia.

Moved by this event, the National Capital Region GSA Network (an initiative by Jer’s Vision: Canada’s Youth Diversity Initiative) decided to share this day with the world and create the International DayofPink.


Goal
The goal of DayofPink.org is to bring this message across the world, through an international day of action that anyone can take part in. We encourage groups to not only wear pink in support of Diversity,
but to also hold events and activities that will engage their community.

Why should you participate?
Across the world discrimination continues to be the leading source of conflict. Discrimination is racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, anti-semitism... and many others. These social diseases affect how we work, study and treat one another; and they create barriers, bullying, harassment, hate and violence. DayofPink is more than just a symbol of a shared belief in celebrating diversity - it's also a commitment to being open minded, to being understanding of differences and to learning to respect each other.

I'll be wearing my pink sweater (sadly all that I own)!

http://www.dayofpink.org/

Coraline was fantastic! (And so was the pint of Irish ale before hand which unfortunately led Paul to falling asleep for a short nap during the movie.) The film was dark, but not quite as dark as the book. And I truly believe that most children love darker stories - especially if the ongoing popularity of Brothers Grimm is any indication, and tales shared by girlfriends as their favourite stories of childhood...and then good lord what my sister and I used to do to our barbie dolls! Children are twisted and slightly disturbed.

The 3D effect was incredible, Jakob sat on the edge of his seat through the entire film and I would catch his hands waving in front of him, trying to touch whatever was floating out of the screen towards us. We were even forced to sit through the credits, something he normally has no patience for, because the 3D animation continued. And what a relief that the cardboard glasses with red and blue lenses are now a relic of the past and replaced by funky black plastic sunglasses which Jakob took proudly to school.

Life is irritating me.

I have been blown off by my guitar instructor. He slept in, can't make it over today.

I had to "talk" (code for yell) to Jakob this morning because he loves saying incredibly inappropriate things to his 7 year old friends (his best friend slept over last night), thinking that he is hilarious but truly having no idea what he's saying. And the diatribes are not funny, they're obscene and if his little friends run home and tell their parents what Jakob says, well...no friends will ever be allowed over to our house again, and frankly I wouldn't be surprised if CAS shows up knocking at our door.

And our "beloved" (again code for total opposite of) contractor is also blowing us off with promises of coming to our house to determine how much time is needed to fix the last few things which should have been completed over a year ago but then doesn't contact us again until Paul emails him with "where the #@*&$ are you?!?!". Whew...now that was the very definition of a run-on sentence and shows exactly how pissed off I am.

But why are people not honoring their commitments and obligations? Where is their sense of pride? Did the concept of work ethic fall apart in the 70s?

Perhaps seeing Coraline this afternoon will put me in better spirits. Jakob and I just finished ready the book together and it is fabulous and dark. When I heard they were making a movie of the story I was incredibly excited - long being a Neil Gaiman fan and reading the story to Satchel when he was small. Maybe a pint in a pub beforehand too...

Jakob's in a mood today.

I picked him up from school and he told me that his day sucked, two periods of gym. Tomorrow's going to suck too, just to forewarn me I guess, two periods of gym AND a dance-a-thon. Plus Friday is PAJAMA day...and just so I know, he's boycotting that whole thing. No way is he wearing pajamas.

And the snack I brought? SUCKS. Not eating it. And it's not like I brought him vegetables, no sir, I brought him little organic chocolate cookies with a soft chocolate centre. Man that kid is high maintenance.

Plus to make the day even more miserable he told his whole class that he had diarrhea on the plane.

M: The plane? When we flew to Edmonton?

J: Yes.

M: And how did the kids react?

J: One girl laughed.

M: Oh.

J: And that was really rude of her because it's not funny when you have diarrhea on an airplane.

M: Though it was pretty sweet when all the flight attendants loaded you up on ginger ale afterward!

J: Yeah that was good. And remember all the episodes of Family Guy I got to watch?

M. Yeah, about that...you and Satchel are banned from watching Family Guy.

J: This is the worst day EVER!

So 21 years ago today, Paul and I had our first date - spontaneously heading over to Pedlars for $1.99 pizza and salad with a pint of beer...only to be joined by Ian. The boy who made up words in Art History and would have many strips verbally torn off him at each class.

It's amazing we survived the first few weeks of dating - most of our dates were thwarted. If not by Alan & Dave then by Inge...or perhaps just bad movie choices. Movies with tag lines such as Don't Bury Me, I'm Not Dead Yet!

In other words, absolute classics.

Yesterday while at Remenyi House of Music looking at music books that I am not even close to having the ability to play, a man who had the smell and appearance of a street person also looked at books. After leafing through a few he moved on to the pianos and while standing began to play so beautifully a song I had never heard before. And then he began to sing with absolute confidence and in a voice that gave me no doubt he should be someone I recognize. Initially a salesperson advanced on him and then stopped, listened and stood smiling.

A rare day because it was also so beautiful outside, a respite from the cold that never seems to want to let up and leaves so many of us curled up in the fetal position hiding from the world.

What also made the day insanely special was that Jakob after terrorizing Hamish by chasing him through the house yelling "clod hopper to destiny!" - WHAT?! - sat down at the island and wrote me a fabulous story designed to shake me to the very core with fear called World vs. Vampiers (sic).

As I go through the weekend papers, scanning articles, readying them for the recycling box, I just found a nearly full page write up on Fuzion in the Life section of the Saturday Star - what a crazy coincidence! According to the paper, the 2007 bottle ranks at 88 and is comparable to a $15 bottle of wine, while the 2008 rated at 87 and closer to a $10 bottle in quality. And it is flying off the shelves in Ontario at roughly 1,000 cases a day!