Nothing makes a girl feel all pretty like a freshly dyed mop of hair (Perfect 10, medium ash brown also known as Swift Chocolate). Swift? Because that's how most people (like my mother) eat chocolate? Swiftly.

I wonder who comes up with these names because frankly I think I would quite enjoy that job.

And then looking at my two big orange jugs which are to hold 48 hours of piss just kind of takes that feeling away. Especially the one with acid in it. Which, as the technician told me, "You don't pee directly into because..."

"It might splash up and BURN ME?!"

"Yes."

I would kind of like to take them to work with me, swinging them casually while on the subway. Leaving them in the office fridge for anyone to investigate and possibly sample.

At least they are a pretty colour.