OH MY GOD, WHEN IS THIS HEAD COLD GOING TO GO AWAY? And I would like to say the same for the freezing cold temperatures, the smattering of snow on the ground, the ice rain...

It's all driving me insane and makes me want to board a plane quickly and head back to the Caymans.

Oprah's on television - looking mighty fierce with her straightened hair - talking to mothers. They are currently discussing what they don't like about motherhood which inspired me to compile a small list of my least favourite things about motherhood.

Starting with number 1: TWELVE YEARS OF BROKEN SLEEP. That's right: TWELVE YEARS!

2: poo. Changing diapers, wiping bottoms, smelling it in the house, finding it hanging out in the toilet because someone forgot to flush. Or maybe they did flush but they've plugged the toilet and it's now all over the floor. And the underwear. If I never see a brown stain on underwear again I will die a very happy woman.

3: personal time...GONE. Oh to sit quietly and read a book. Or have a bath without company who then complains about the bubbles, he doesn't like them, and can I please get out! And popular television programming...what is that? Isn't Friend's still on?

4: Yelling. The yelling and the wrestling really ties my stomach up in knots. The thumping I hear coming from the room above me, the inevitable crying...drives me insane! I can imagine a life with little girls would be all sweetness and quiet, tea parties and tying up Barbie with little scarves bondage style, hanging her from tv tables. Oh wait, that was my childhood.

5: MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY

6: The constant mess of my house.

7: Handing my bottle or glass of water to the kids because they are thirsty and getting back something that looks more like swamp water with floaty bits. I have now learned to take a quick big gulp before handing it over so that I can say "No, no...you keep it. You'll be thirsty again soon." coming across quite saintly and altruistic but really? NO WAY would I take another swig of that mess.

Feel free to add a few of your own!