Monday, May 03, 2010

This is a little bit unnerving - my bathroom scale seems to be reading on the heavy side and my clothes don't fit quite as comfortably as they did before my birthday weekend bash which turned into roughly 3 weeks of celebrating. Perhaps it's time to retire the poor old scale since it obviously doesn't work anymore and maybe not launder my clothes as often since the washer seems to be doing them in.

There - problem solved!

But how to stop the voice in my head screaming: "MOM, did you gain weight MOM?!"?

I know ... someone kindly left a Regal catalogue at my desk - because obviously my personality screams Regal!

If you have ever had the opportunity to leaf through one, it is amazing to me that a team of professional researchers could actually compile such a collection of wonderment. I liken the contents to viewing a series of tiny shrunken heads - both horrifying and yet strangely compelling.

For example doesn't everyone fantasize about having a resin statue of a french maid holding a roll of toilet paper? And for only $30 it can be yours! Not to worry, she is averting her eyes for she is also quite modest. And we've all struggled with crazy hair in the morning - do we sleep an extra 15 minutes and go to work looking like Medusa or do we shower and not turn the office to stone? Problem solved, mesh hair net, $5.98! And with summer approaching - we are all looking for the next good book to read and I just found a couple on page 42: Why are there NO cats in the BIBLE? ($15), very curious - was there a cat bias in olden times, did Noah forget to load them onto the ark? definitely questions to be answered, or Poems and Reading for Funerals and Memorials ($9.98) both fun and interesting - a good book for the beach no doubt and one that will scream "come sit by me, I'm a girl who's quirky and loves to have fun!".

Already the voice has been silenced.


Samantha said...

Um, what's up with the 'potty mug' for dad?

What kind of conversation starter is that and who the hell would have that monster in their house?

It was a kick!! Thanks for sharing ;)

Anonymous said...

I used to weigh myself religiously every day.
I had the old bathroom scale from Gower Street and I toted it around with me everywhere.
The stress!
The trauma!
The drama!
Then I met Susan.
She confessed she had never kept a scale in her home.
By the time she moved had moved in with me in Korea I had adopted her habit.
Now, years later, you would be desperate to find a scale in my house.
Am I heavier.
But my clothes still fit and I seem to be happier.
Moral of the story?
Scales are evil demonic creatures which should be banned for the general happiness and well-being of humanity.