Christmas Eve at Bob and Martha's.



Note the absolute mayhem. Then note Bob praying for peace and an undamaged house in the background.

Merry Christmas to all!

This was my Christmas miracle - I actually woke BEFORE the kids! I came downstairs, turned on the Christmas tree lights, made coffee, emptied the dishwasher and enjoyed the silence before I heard the pitter patter of excited little feet rushing down the stairs.

I found a small lump yesterday.

I'm sure it's nothing, seeing as I just had a mammogram and the results were good. I just need to get my head around it and call the doctor after Christmas.

Oh. God. Help. Me!

Christmas is only days away and I'm not ready. Satchel has been sick since Wednesday night and if I'm not at work, I'm at home tending to him.

I thought I was being nice by letting the boys open the presents a good friend dropped by and of course (guess which one) the reaction is: THEY ARE THE WORST PRESENTS EVER! I HATE THEM. THEY ARE FOR BABIES AND THESE ARE TOO HARD! AND I BET YOU BOUGHT ME THE EXACT SAME THING! WHY DID YOU GIVE ME THEM! I HATE THEM. I HATE THEM! MY GOD. MY BIRTHDAY PRESENTS WERE BETTER. OH MY GOD, AND SATCHEL? HE GOT A DS GAME. IT COULD HAVE BEEN BAKUGON OKAY? OH MY GOD.

I'm just typing what I hear. Right now he's wailing in the living room.

THEY'RE ASS. THAT'S WHAT THEY ARE THEY'RE ASS!

What? I think to myself

Oh where oh where are the little magic pills to make everything right in my world?

Okay, just lost it. Just dragged him upstairs to his room, tossed him in and screamed at him.

Of course he's back down now, still screaming. Deep breath.

December 16 - Jakob turned 6!

And he had a fabulous day!

He loved the balloons.



He LOVED his presents.




He even LOVED his card...and I quote "this is the funniest card ever!"



I kept thinking, what have you done with my Jakob? And can I keep you?!

After presents, Satchel, Jakob and I made our traditional gingerbread house.




And then we had our party! And what a party - there was screaming, crying, laughing, more screaming, drinking...everything you could ever want for a six year old's celebration (and even things you hoped never to experience).

One year later...and I am cancer free!

Best early Christmas present EVER!

Aunt Maureen passed away today.

I'm going to miss her.

CHRISTMAS TREE - done.
PRESENTS FOR HALF OF HUMANITY - not quite there yet.

Just spent an entire afternoon with Satchel at the Sufferin Mall, specifically in Walmart and ToysRUs.

And Paul and Jakob have spent the entire afternoon in the attic playing Lego Starwars II. And are still up there while I am surrounded by an absolute mess, which really should have been cleaned up, and am cooking dinner...FOR THEM.

Jakob has just stopped by to tell me, no...TO ORDER ME to call Satchel RIGHT NOW because he NEEDS him. I said "Don't talk to me like that and NO I am not calling Satchel and you and Daddy can stop playing and stay downstairs."

That went really well. Jakob yelled NOOOOOOOOO, stomped the floor with his feet and headed back upstairs.

I'm always amazed that none of them can sense when I am about to throw a telephone.

Another party down, one more tonight and then finally a day off tomorrow - this constant celebrating is going to kill me! My alcohol level must at the very least rival a good merlot.

I saw on Thursday that Canadian Tire now sells white leather Barcelona chairs at their Dundas and Bay location. Thank GOD what I didn't see was a price tag on them.

This has been the worst week EVER.

Not only does Aunt Maureen have a massive stroke, work was insanely busy and I had functions virtually every night (which I hate, because I am by nature a little on the anti social side - hence the blog), this morning SOMEONE TRASHED MY WORK SPACE.

I was so ANGRY, I should virtually type the rest of the post in upper case. Picture frames were all over the floor, pulled apart, my kind of ugly inukshuk was chipped, photos thrown around, my lamp knocked over. I could barely function. And I don't think this was the cleaners because I think that if they had somehow managed to accidentally cause the mess, they probably would have piled all the pieces back on my desk.

And now, I have to shower and make myself pretty because for the first time ever, I have to go to Paul's office Christmas party.

But first, I must go wipe Jakob's bum because the King is "DONE POOPING!"

SAD NEWS

My Aunt Maureen, my Mom's remaining sister, suffered a massive stroke on Tuesday night and is not expected to survive.

I just saw her a week and a half ago in London, where she looked wonderful and was as happy and warm and affectionate as always.

But we are a family of fighters, many times members of my family have been struck down by serious illnesses/accidents and have defied all odds and survived.

My heart goes out to Uncle Doug and all my cousins.

Finally, having lived in the house for 13 months, we have a mirror in the powder room.

And crazily, I ran into our contractor outside of the house and he actually said SHALL WE SCHEDULE A WALK THROUGH NEXT WEEK?

My life is turning around.

A portrait of Hamish desperately trying to attract the attention of his friend...but doesn't quite know what to do when he gets it.

Oh, what's that over there? An open bottle of wine? And if I'm really really quiet, I think I can hear it calling to me.

My kids, no correction, ALL KIDS are completely pushing me over the edge. Jakob has been horrible this entire weekend and I'm not sure if part of it can be attributed to Paul being away or if it's just his nature right now. But he has me walking around with a massive stomach ache.

I just had a mirror installed in the powder room this afternoon with strict instructions NOT TO USE THE SINK because of the fresh caulking. I pick up the kids from school, Satchel as usual is bringing home a stray and wants to walk ahead of me and Jakob. I hand over the keys and say YOU CAN USE THE POWDER ROOM BUT NOT THE SINK. A MIRROR HAS BEEN INSTALLED AND THE CAULKING CAN'T GET WET. Satchel says okay.

I get home, ask where the stray is, he says in the bathroom.

Stray comes out, I say YOU DIDN'T USE THE SINK DID YOU?

He says, Oh yeah, I did.

I say, I SPECIFICALLY TOLD BOTH OF YOU NOT TO.

He says, Oh well.

I do NOT commit murder though it is very close.

I walk into the bathroom and the mirror and caulking is soaked.

But kindly, the stray did forget to flush and put the seat down so I had a bowl of piss staring at me.

I NEED A DRINK.

I have been surrounded by kids, and not just my own, since Thursday afternoon. All boys. All leave the toilet seat and piss all over the toilet and floor rather than aiming INTO the toilet bowl boys. I'll have to start throwing cheerios in - give them something to aim for.

And the phone keeps ringing and I look at the caller ID and I see it's the same parents, calling over and over, just TRYING to bring their boys over again. STOP. Take mine for once!

I've stopped answering the phone.

They are loud, they break things, they GO INTO MY ROOM, they make messes - they are driving me insane.

And Paul is in New Brunswick at a make-his-mother-happy surprise birthday party until Monday.

help.