I'm trying to type this with my forehead pressed against the keyboard.

My little family is falling apart. I started feeling a sore throat last night and today I still have the sore throat but it has been joined by a headache and stomach ache...and I really just want to go to bed and sleep.

Jakob isn't feeling well either - but he's very much like the boy who cried wolf, or I should say the boy who cried I HATE SCHOOL, WHY DO I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY! I WANT TO SUE THE PEOPLE WHO INVENTED HOMEWORK! I NEED A DAY OFF!!! and therefore tends not to believed and is shuffled off to school everyday. Except that because I know how retched I feel, I'm pretty positive he's not well too.

But LUCY is at the house cleaning and there are few things I hate more than having other people in my house when I just want to sleep and am paying them to clean but they lead an isolating life and really just want to chat. Plus she's a little racist and inevitably our conversations end with her telling me to make sure my kids go to an all white catholic school.

And I have a massage booked this afternoon. No way am I missing out on an appointment with Thumbs of Steel Shirley.

Anyway, back to my falling apart family. Jakob managed to develop a massive blister on his toe which has now popped and looks hideous. He's absolutely horrified by it and wants it covered with 2 bandages at all times AND bandage tape. So that after 10 minutes he can pry off the bandage to see if it's still as horrific as it was 10 minutes ago. We're going through a lot of bandages right now so I picked up 140 yesterday which should last me until Thursday night. He also has impetigo on his shoulder and arms and that was pretty horrifying too. I always try to downplay whatever the kids are experiencing so they don't freak out, so with Jakob I would say that the rash really isn't so bad. We're going to the doctor to get special cream and it will be healed in no time. You're fine, it's fine...here have some ice cream. Then Satchel will walk by and see the spots and blurt out OH MY GOD, I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW BAD JAKOB WAS! THAT'S DISGUSTING! JESUS! IS HE GOING TO BE OKAY?

Shut up Satchel.

We have the cream, spots are healing, Jakob will be fine.

Satchel is now obsessing about the big scab on Jakob's knee and how he's pretty sure it's gangrene.

Shut up Satchel.

Satchel has molluscum contagiosum which is a viral infection predominately on his chest that looks worse than it is (like really bad acne) but for a 12 year old boy who takes swim at school, it's pretty devastating. We're off to a dermatologist next week but unfortunately it's something that usually just goes away on it's own..after many many months.

Paul was home sick yesterday and spent the day napping and watching movies. He was pretty close to death because found that even though he tried to play some violent game on the xbox 360, he just wasn't up to it and went back to bed.

He's much better today, in fact last night was greatly improved because his ability to game came right back. Whew.

Part of our Cayman experience was hanging with the dolphins. Dolphins fed caviar on a golden spoon...or at least they should be considering how much they charged us to spend not quite 30 minutes in the water.

But I had to buy the video - the look on Satchel's face when he was forced to kiss the dolphin made it worth every single penny.

Pucker up baby.





Our flight was late getting home so I'm operating on very little sleep today...and trying to adjust to the non 30* weather. Brutal. I keep thinking I should be able to throw on my bathing suit and grab the snorkeling gear but instead I'm grabbing the parka and an umbrella.

Can't wait to include more pictures and stories - but that will have to be tomorrow.

Cayman Islands equals:

Snorkeling every day

Living in a bikini (not as horrifying to others as I feared)

Swimming with dolphins

Swimming with stingrays

Para sailing

Drinking cold frothy concoctions

Wondering how I will figure out dressing warmly when we fly back on Tuesday.

One little vignette to post before signing off to return to drinking cold drinks in 30* weather:

Jakob snorkeling with a life jack singing Jingle Bells as he looks at all the species of fish and coral.

We are heading out tomorrow morning (4:00 am - GOOD GOD what was I thinking?!) for the Cayman Islands and as usual I have a stress knot in my stomach the size of a football. I hate packing. HATE HATE HATE it! But once I'm on the airplane, I will be relaxed in the knowledge that it doesn't matter what I've forgotten, it's too late.

I've been drinking white wine spritzers to help my through the process and I did have a pedicure this afternoon - my first in 2 years. I had a small Asian woman who spoke no English work on my sad little toes and I almost broke down in hysterics when she massaged my feet by punching them hard with the back of her hand, only to raise her head and smile at me occasionally during the assault.

Crazy...but I tipped her well.

I had better rush off to bed since I need to be up in 5 hours. Hopefully I will dazzle you with my photos on my return.

See you in a week!

It's recessionary wine time!

I couldn't bring myself to include this with my earlier post - for very obvious and orange reasons.

A great white wine recommended by a friend to serve at Paul's party...and again for just under $10!

Argento 2008 Pinot Grigio $9.85 (Argentina)

Aromas of pure pear, which are classic for pinot grigio, plus ripe bin apple, lime and a spicy overlay. On the palate, mellow lime, kiwi fruit and persistent pear. The finish shows uplifting citrus peel. Very fresh, fruity and friendly.

Rating: 88 out of 100

Nothing makes a girl feel all pretty like a freshly dyed mop of hair (Perfect 10, medium ash brown also known as Swift Chocolate). Swift? Because that's how most people (like my mother) eat chocolate? Swiftly.

I wonder who comes up with these names because frankly I think I would quite enjoy that job.

And then looking at my two big orange jugs which are to hold 48 hours of piss just kind of takes that feeling away. Especially the one with acid in it. Which, as the technician told me, "You don't pee directly into because..."

"It might splash up and BURN ME?!"

"Yes."

I would kind of like to take them to work with me, swinging them casually while on the subway. Leaving them in the office fridge for anyone to investigate and possibly sample.

At least they are a pretty colour.

Sometimes I'm amazed I don't get kicked off of blogspot for lack of use.

Oh well.

I believe a quick catch up is in order before I start swilling my midol down with a glass of wine.

Paul's party was fabulous! We had 25 people over drinking French Martinis and singing karaoke songs until 2 in the morning. Scotch was then consumed by Paul and a few other sordid characters until 3am when the party finally shut itself down. I woke up the next morning pondering a sore throat, was I finally getting the cold I've been fighting for the past week or is from totally nailing Material Girl by Madonna!

After being blown off again and again by now the subcontractor, the painter finally showed up and did some half ass repair work. But evil contractor is not responding to any of our calls or emails requesting a timeline since we THOUGHT this would take 2 days to finish up and we are now into the 2nd week with no end in sight. And now Paul would like to add CRAP JOB BY PAINTER to the agenda when evil contractor finally does call.

Time to give Jakob a bath, he smells bad as all 7 year old boys do.