Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Fabulous news first: Jakob has received the student of the month award for respecting the school/class rules and people and also for his peace keeping initiatives. This is an incredible honour and I could not be more proud of him. I'm trying hard to push down the thoughts of "My Jakob? Peace Keeping Initiatives? You mean the 6 year old who lives in my house who is currently on the floor having a massive fit because he's sucked at at Guitar Hero? AFTER ONLY ONE TRY. That one?" Wow, crazy.

Another piece of fabulous news: I found in my mailbox a cheque from the city for $1,356 because we did not kill the city-owned tree at the front of our house when we renovated THE BACK OF OUR HOUSE. One credit card paid off, healthy payment on a second card. Sweet. Of course no interest, and I almost feel like they deducted a few dollars as their fee for kindly hanging on to it for us for no reason.

And the final bit of fabulous news, the magazine is done and I can now go to bed before midnight because god knows I need my beauty sleep. Make-up can only go so far. And I can rename the voodoo doll for who ever pisses me off next.

So...I went into St. Thomas this past weekend to visit my mother. My mother and I have a complicated relationship, based on a sense of mutual dislike for many years - though she will deny it, while not taking to me for years. To get a sense, I started putting together my feelings since I was completely cut off from the internet while on the train:

I am currently sitting on a train without internet access, having just had a glass of mediocre Spanish wine….but it was only $5 so how can I complain? I am also confined to my seat with a full bladder.

I would say this is the most unenjoyable train ride to London I have ever experienced. I had visions of working on my photoshop assignment but that was a pipe dream. The train shakes like a $3 vibrator and I have nowhere to place a mouse. And try highlighting a chain link fence without a mouse or stylus…I dare you.

I’m off to London, well really St. Thomas, to visit my mother because of concerns she might be dementing or to see if her increasingly disintegrating memory is the direct result of an extremely poor diet lacking in anything nutritious, especially proteins, but heavy on Tim Horton’s muffins. Not good when you’re a diabetic. Plus she called me quite upset asking me to spend time with her, she felt like she was being bullied and not listened to.

I have been dreading this trip. My last experience with my mother was while visiting my brother in Edmonton and upon return I had accepted that if I never saw her again, I would be fine with that. But over a short period of time my bitterness wore off and I began to feel more concern for her welfare. I called occasionally to be caustically told that she would never call me again, that way I could call her when I was available. Meanwhile she systematically calls all my siblings every night of the week. I struggle most with that here is this woman who was nasty to me from birth until mid 20s when our relationship evolved into more ambivalence and here she is old, memory shot, and now expecting me to drop everything and come stay with her, to be the shoulder she needs right now.

It’s hard to put aside my bitterness.

I'll continue writing about my weekend and the dysfunctional relationship shared by mother and daughter later as I promised my little scholar and his brother (who was asked to the SCHOOL DANCE BY A GRADE 8 GIRL - man I am not ready for this) I would take them to the Sufferin' Mall to check out Halloween costumes.

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