Saturday, June 26, 2010

I find it disconcerting when someone you know very casually makes it clear that SHE CAN'T STAND YOU and you just don't understand why. You're charming and exceptionally witty! And you have a great sense of style. Why wouldn't she love you? She should want you as her new BFF!

And then you go to your husband's office party and BOOM there she is. And because I can't help myself, and want to figure out what it is about me that she doesn't like so I can, you know, improve upon myself I gravitate towards her like a moth to the flame.

To be fair, I am an absolute delight at parties. In fact I have been described as the "life of the party" after I've had a few drinks in me so what is it that gives this woman the old "deer in the headlights" look whenever she spots me?

Also I'm a bit unsure of her myself. First she lives in the suburbs - I wonder if she reads this blog? probably not seeing as according to I have pretty much annihilated the chance of anyone ever reading this blog again - and has broken another woman's bones while playing hockey.

But here is the story that confirms her true feelings for me:

At Paul's office Christmas party she took photos of everyone and very reluctantly took one of me. Fortunately for her it was THE WORST PHOTO EVER. I was laughing, talking, face distorted, wine glass being tossed around... and that special moment in time was captured. So she asks the old husband if he would like the photo included with all the other office photos, excluding of course the equally nasty one of herself which she will most promptly be deleting. Husband says that he better get my permission since it really isn't the most flattering.

He sends it to me, I pass out, come to, call plastic surgeon and book an appointment, then scream NO into the phone to Paul. Fortunately the woman who hates me (WWHM) is in his office with him.

He tells WWHM not to post it.

She says, oh (while giggling which I can hear) too late, I sent it by accident.

I asked Paul to ask WWHM if she ACCIDENTALLY sent her hideous photo to the entire office? Nope, deleted.

So where am I going with this, oh yes, what is the funniest way YOU would handle this situation?


The Preppy Pauper said...

Have one of those cheesy 8 X 10 entertainer head shots done (looking over your shoulder, eyes sparkling, with a "Why yes, I would love to the Centre square on Hollywood Squares" smiles) and email to everyone in Paul's office EXCEPT her.

Samantha said...

Be happy in the knowledge that she likely hates you because you are too fabulous for words. I happen to know that you are usually the life the party (you and I together at a party could slay people)!

You look great all the time, honey and I'm sure people who see the photo will think so too.

Bake some ex-lax brownies for the spousal to take to work especially for her!!!

Fifi said...

I just found your blog, and I think you're pretty great - I don't understand WWHY doesn't like you! But, I would comment that that your photo was taken just as she (WWHY) farted REALLY loud at the Christmas party - 'I can't be the only one who heard it!'. Chances are really good that you can convince at least a few other people that they heard her do it, too. She'll be a legend. (This is a bad idea if you ever want her to like you. Like that matters. And don't let her get you on the ice.)

Anonymous said...

I would say she is jealous of you for being the wife of the man she wants. Brighten her day by invited her over for a menage a trois. As her eyes brighten, and the smile across her face widens, break her heart into a million pieces with a well placed "just kidding".

Anonymous said...

I like the ex-lax brownie idea