Holy crap - November 21 is the third anniversary of my mastectomy! Crikey time has flown by fast.

This also means it's time for my mammogram, for the onslaught of emails from Princess Margaret Hospital as they continue to fundraise for the The Gattuso Rapid Diagnostic Centre which reduces the time from initial testing to diagnosis to a mere 3 hours instead of days and/or weeks. Which for a woman facing the crushing diagnosis of breast cancer means more than I can adequately describe because she can begin planning immediately rather than live in fear, facing the unknown for however long it takes to get an appointment with her oncologist.

Now onto other November tribulations:

I did not take Jakob to the Santa Claus parade this year because I still have not recovered from our November 2007 excursion ... which is covered in detail if you would like to revisit the nightmare that was that afternoon. Not that he wanted to go this year anyway, I could barely get him dressed such was his mood. Or perhaps he was hesitant because he remembered yelling "Santa SUCKS!" as we waited for the sled - reducing the crowd to silence.

While reading through some old November posts I realized I have written virtually identical comments about volunteering to create a painting for my office Christmas card and then donate it to the United Way auction - and each comment was me vowing to never, ever, get sucked into doing this again. Yet here I am once again cursing, stressing, drinking wine (well not at this very moment, it is only 9:44 in the morning after all ... and I'm at work) trying to make this painting look at the very least ... okay.

I'm hoping that very soon I will hit the magical moment when everything comes together and the painting is finished within 30 minutes.

I am also hoping that the magical moment happens this Thursday around 8:00 pm.

But if it doesn't, my back-up plan is to look through older paintings and see if one is appropriate and can be sacrificed for the cause.

And then this year will be the VERY LAST TIME I put myself in this position.

I hope.

I have to admit, I've been having difficulties getting motivated to write on my blog. I don't know if it's because it is summer, (well technically summer, after all it is July - July pretending to be early May) and that my brain is shutting down for a long vacation. I finished my digital prepress course with as much as enthusiasm as I generally muster for a trip to the dentist. Even my guitar lessons with Luis are not generating the joy they used to, but that could because he keeps BLOWING ME OFF. Do I not ply him with coffee on Sunday mornings or beer if it's an afternoon/evening lesson? Jesus.

A portrait of my backyard during what has become a typical summer day, minus the smell of garbage. My favourite activity - pulling out the lanterns and the cushions for the chairs, only to move them back under the tent 10 minutes later because we were just hit by a downpour. The upside is I haven't had to water the plants or grass once this summer!


So my brain has shut down for a little vacation but I will make more of an effort to ramble, I mean write, about interesting little things going on in my life.

Like I just got off the phone only one minute ago with a nurse, a perfect stranger who's name I could not make out, from Princess Margaret telling her that yes, my period did start last night. Yes, I am currently menstruating. How often do you get that opportunity? If you're Joe, NEVER! That's the wonderful thing about being a girl.

So why would anyone want to know such a thing?

PMH wants me to participate in a study titled: Fertility in Female Cancer Survivors - Novel Assessment of Ovarian Reserve. Pretty exciting stuff - though I'm sure I shouldn't be included and tried to convince them of that. I mean yes I have had breast cancer, but managed to avoid radiation and chemo with a mastectomy. But I have a feeling they are desperate for volunteers so I will be used as someone to compare others to. And all it involves is getting up earlier than usual, having a blood test and an ultrasound, all before having my first cup of coffee and settling back at the office. I do enjoy participating in studies, it has the effect of creating a purpose for my having had cancer, where otherwise I would sit around, twiddling my thumbs, trying to figure out how it all happened. And maybe they made a mistake. Maybe it was just an infection after all and what I really needed was a strong antibiotic. So I offer up my time and/or pieces of myself whenever asked just in case it helps someone else.

Enough of this period/cancer/study ramble.

Paul has continued working on the front porch, designing and creating these beautiful side panels with long skinny planks of cedar. He's still working on them but here is a picture of Paul cutting wood with his new table to the din of a thunderstorm.

After holding my breath for a week, I can finally let out air. That slight breeze you just felt against your cheek was me and all my relief. I had my ultrasound today at Mt Sinai hospital and there is no cancer. THANK. GOD.

I have made the decision to talk to my oncologist about removing my remaining breast as a preventative against cancer even though I don't think I'm gene positive...but this stress of being tested every 6 months and worrying have they found something? Have they missed something? is wreaking havoc on my brain and life. The specialist today said that MRIs do not work well on me which is the first time I have ever heard that - now having had 3 of them. She said mammograms and ultrasound show more.

I'll have to talk to my oncologist about that.

To celebrate we have opened wine, grilled steak on the bbq and toasted our good health and all our friends who have supported us through this crazy time...again!

I like to pretend that breast cancer isn't part of my life, and most of the time I don't really spend a lot of time thinking about it. Sure the scars from the mastectomy burn brightly but after I put on my t-shirt, admire my now flattened stomach from the reconstruction...poof, it's out of my mind.

Until the dreaded tests. One which is tomorrow...my favourite one: MRI time at Mt. Sinai.

No wonder I'm agitated, it's not just pms after all.

Wish me luck.

Today is the 2nd anniversary of my mastectomy.

Isn't that crazy?

It still feels like such a huge part of my life. Perhaps because I have another mammogram scheduled for next Thursday. Just to keep me on my toes.