One day to "B" day.

To make today less painful, bought strawberry infused wine and cupcakes and plied 10 women (and one lone male consultant) at work. No one sang. Except for me, in my head, and that was Birthday by the Beatles. I can always rock out alone.

Two days until my birthday and I'm really trying hard to not think about it - but it could explain why I am so incredibly cranky (mother issues - meaning issues with my mother not my being a mother..but that could also be true). That and finding out my guitar instructor was born in 1984. 1.9.8.4.

I mean come on - I could be his mother! A really young hip mother, but his mother.

My life is feeling like one big Orwellian nightmare.

My 12 year old went to see a movie yesterday with his 12 year old friends, driven by one of their parents. Life is becoming tricky with 12 year olds because it seems the days of knowing what they are up to and what they are thinking are fast becoming history.

For example the movie. I said sure go with your friends, it's your last day of the long weekend plus I THOUGHT they were going to see Fast and Furious...a stupid movie made to appeal to the changing brains of 12 year old boys. But no, they went and saw Observe and Report, a movie that passes date rape off as a sex scene. And how did they even get in to see it? It's rated 18A, Satchel's friend is barely taller than Jakob, and they paid child admission prices!

Now I need to talk to Satchel about the film and its mistreatment of social issues and women, I would like to call the theatre to find out how they determine whether children are old enough to see inappropriate movies and, this will horrify Satchel and his friends, I'm going to email the parents of the other kids to let them know what kind of movie their kids saw in case they would like to talk to them about the content.

What a weekend - no wonder I had an anxiety attack yesterday which Jakob bore most of the brunt of. My headcold was severe on Friday, we attended a funeral on Saturday (another post will have to detail how much fun it was for me to take family out for a drink after Uncle Sam's funeral only to have one half on one side of me not talking to the other half on the other side of me, and my Mom not talking at all - but at least she knew who I was!), fabulous friends came for dinner Saturday night, Sunday was all about bunnies and chocolate and champagne and orange juice.

Thank God Pat came over yesterday afternoon and made me laugh so hard I nearly spewed white wine spritzer through my nose, a feat only made possible in the past by Bobbles. I may have to marry her.

I am now experimenting with Twitter and this is what I love: that Yoko Ono is following my tweets!

Hi, Meg Glover (meg_glover).

Yoko Ono (yokoono) is now following your updates on Twitter.

Check out Yoko Ono's profile here:
http://twitter.com/yokoono


And she sent me an email:

Thanks for following! love, yoko IMAGINE PEACE: Think PEACE, Act PEACE, Spread PEACE www.IMAGINEPEACE.com

Yoko Ono / yokoono

I know I shouldn't get overly excited, she must follow everyone who logs on to follow her tweets and send them this email form letter. But OH.MY.GOD! Yoko Ono!

What is disconcerting is the random mix of total strangers who are also following my tweets. I don't understand why - most of the posts have been about me sobbing into my keyboard over the snow and freezing cold temperatures. It must be my oh-so-eloquent way of describing my despair in 140 characters or less.

I watched Oprah again today. That's two days running, I'm feeling like a bit of a junkie.

But the episode was really interesting. They discussed the four blue zones (the mountainous Barbagia region of Sardinia, an island off the coast of Italy; the Japanese island of Okinawa; a community of Seventh-day Adventists in Loma Linda, Calif., about 60 miles east of Los Angeles; and the Nicoya Peninsula of Costa Rica, in Central America)in the world where people live healthier and longer than anywhere else. Dr Oz, Oprah and some well preserved man with an artificial tan and blindingly white teeth discussed the belief system of each area for living longer.

I am happy to report that drinking wine was featured prominently - up to two glasses per day. I'm having my second now.

Other factors include:

Exercise.

Eating well - many adopting a vegan or organic diet.

Having a sense of purpose - this was a priority with all four areas.

Laughing with your friends. Surround yourself with peers so that you have a support system in place. Though one 94 year old surgeon suggested that it was better to surround yourself with younger people because they were the ones who stimulated you (he meant mentally for you naughty readers).

To read more: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap_travel/20080519/ap_tr_ge/travel_by_the_book_blue_zones

or visit Oprah:
http://www.oprah.com/dated/oprahshow/oprahshow_20081009_bluezones

OH MY GOD, WHEN IS THIS HEAD COLD GOING TO GO AWAY? And I would like to say the same for the freezing cold temperatures, the smattering of snow on the ground, the ice rain...

It's all driving me insane and makes me want to board a plane quickly and head back to the Caymans.

Oprah's on television - looking mighty fierce with her straightened hair - talking to mothers. They are currently discussing what they don't like about motherhood which inspired me to compile a small list of my least favourite things about motherhood.

Starting with number 1: TWELVE YEARS OF BROKEN SLEEP. That's right: TWELVE YEARS!

2: poo. Changing diapers, wiping bottoms, smelling it in the house, finding it hanging out in the toilet because someone forgot to flush. Or maybe they did flush but they've plugged the toilet and it's now all over the floor. And the underwear. If I never see a brown stain on underwear again I will die a very happy woman.

3: personal time...GONE. Oh to sit quietly and read a book. Or have a bath without company who then complains about the bubbles, he doesn't like them, and can I please get out! And popular television programming...what is that? Isn't Friend's still on?

4: Yelling. The yelling and the wrestling really ties my stomach up in knots. The thumping I hear coming from the room above me, the inevitable crying...drives me insane! I can imagine a life with little girls would be all sweetness and quiet, tea parties and tying up Barbie with little scarves bondage style, hanging her from tv tables. Oh wait, that was my childhood.

5: MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY

6: The constant mess of my house.

7: Handing my bottle or glass of water to the kids because they are thirsty and getting back something that looks more like swamp water with floaty bits. I have now learned to take a quick big gulp before handing it over so that I can say "No, no...you keep it. You'll be thirsty again soon." coming across quite saintly and altruistic but really? NO WAY would I take another swig of that mess.

Feel free to add a few of your own!

I'm sitting in my kitchen, head in hand, watching the rain (and yes, typing on my computer) and listening to all the children of various shapes and sizes make noise upstairs.

I'm STILL sick. I broke free from work an hour early to race home hoping for a quick nap but instead found all the children starving and was forced to make grilled cheese sandwich after grilled cheese sandwich. And I'm expecting more people because my biggest personal flaw is an inability to say NO. Unless it has to do with with money - if you need money well don't come to me, because I ain't got any. But I will remember you if I win the lottery. Promise.

This is how I know I'm not well, because as Paul gave up on Xbox, I can't play my guitar. The poor darling is sitting quietly in the corner feeling utterly rejected and starting to gather dust. As useful as a goldfish.

And I'm eating suspicious cake which I have loaded with whip cream. Totally unlike me.

I'm trying to type this with my forehead pressed against the keyboard.

My little family is falling apart. I started feeling a sore throat last night and today I still have the sore throat but it has been joined by a headache and stomach ache...and I really just want to go to bed and sleep.

Jakob isn't feeling well either - but he's very much like the boy who cried wolf, or I should say the boy who cried I HATE SCHOOL, WHY DO I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY! I WANT TO SUE THE PEOPLE WHO INVENTED HOMEWORK! I NEED A DAY OFF!!! and therefore tends not to believed and is shuffled off to school everyday. Except that because I know how retched I feel, I'm pretty positive he's not well too.

But LUCY is at the house cleaning and there are few things I hate more than having other people in my house when I just want to sleep and am paying them to clean but they lead an isolating life and really just want to chat. Plus she's a little racist and inevitably our conversations end with her telling me to make sure my kids go to an all white catholic school.

And I have a massage booked this afternoon. No way am I missing out on an appointment with Thumbs of Steel Shirley.

Anyway, back to my falling apart family. Jakob managed to develop a massive blister on his toe which has now popped and looks hideous. He's absolutely horrified by it and wants it covered with 2 bandages at all times AND bandage tape. So that after 10 minutes he can pry off the bandage to see if it's still as horrific as it was 10 minutes ago. We're going through a lot of bandages right now so I picked up 140 yesterday which should last me until Thursday night. He also has impetigo on his shoulder and arms and that was pretty horrifying too. I always try to downplay whatever the kids are experiencing so they don't freak out, so with Jakob I would say that the rash really isn't so bad. We're going to the doctor to get special cream and it will be healed in no time. You're fine, it's fine...here have some ice cream. Then Satchel will walk by and see the spots and blurt out OH MY GOD, I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW BAD JAKOB WAS! THAT'S DISGUSTING! JESUS! IS HE GOING TO BE OKAY?

Shut up Satchel.

We have the cream, spots are healing, Jakob will be fine.

Satchel is now obsessing about the big scab on Jakob's knee and how he's pretty sure it's gangrene.

Shut up Satchel.

Satchel has molluscum contagiosum which is a viral infection predominately on his chest that looks worse than it is (like really bad acne) but for a 12 year old boy who takes swim at school, it's pretty devastating. We're off to a dermatologist next week but unfortunately it's something that usually just goes away on it's own..after many many months.

Paul was home sick yesterday and spent the day napping and watching movies. He was pretty close to death because found that even though he tried to play some violent game on the xbox 360, he just wasn't up to it and went back to bed.

He's much better today, in fact last night was greatly improved because his ability to game came right back. Whew.

Part of our Cayman experience was hanging with the dolphins. Dolphins fed caviar on a golden spoon...or at least they should be considering how much they charged us to spend not quite 30 minutes in the water.

But I had to buy the video - the look on Satchel's face when he was forced to kiss the dolphin made it worth every single penny.

Pucker up baby.





Our flight was late getting home so I'm operating on very little sleep today...and trying to adjust to the non 30* weather. Brutal. I keep thinking I should be able to throw on my bathing suit and grab the snorkeling gear but instead I'm grabbing the parka and an umbrella.

Can't wait to include more pictures and stories - but that will have to be tomorrow.

Cayman Islands equals:

Snorkeling every day

Living in a bikini (not as horrifying to others as I feared)

Swimming with dolphins

Swimming with stingrays

Para sailing

Drinking cold frothy concoctions

Wondering how I will figure out dressing warmly when we fly back on Tuesday.

One little vignette to post before signing off to return to drinking cold drinks in 30* weather:

Jakob snorkeling with a life jack singing Jingle Bells as he looks at all the species of fish and coral.

We are heading out tomorrow morning (4:00 am - GOOD GOD what was I thinking?!) for the Cayman Islands and as usual I have a stress knot in my stomach the size of a football. I hate packing. HATE HATE HATE it! But once I'm on the airplane, I will be relaxed in the knowledge that it doesn't matter what I've forgotten, it's too late.

I've been drinking white wine spritzers to help my through the process and I did have a pedicure this afternoon - my first in 2 years. I had a small Asian woman who spoke no English work on my sad little toes and I almost broke down in hysterics when she massaged my feet by punching them hard with the back of her hand, only to raise her head and smile at me occasionally during the assault.

Crazy...but I tipped her well.

I had better rush off to bed since I need to be up in 5 hours. Hopefully I will dazzle you with my photos on my return.

See you in a week!

It's recessionary wine time!

I couldn't bring myself to include this with my earlier post - for very obvious and orange reasons.

A great white wine recommended by a friend to serve at Paul's party...and again for just under $10!

Argento 2008 Pinot Grigio $9.85 (Argentina)

Aromas of pure pear, which are classic for pinot grigio, plus ripe bin apple, lime and a spicy overlay. On the palate, mellow lime, kiwi fruit and persistent pear. The finish shows uplifting citrus peel. Very fresh, fruity and friendly.

Rating: 88 out of 100

Nothing makes a girl feel all pretty like a freshly dyed mop of hair (Perfect 10, medium ash brown also known as Swift Chocolate). Swift? Because that's how most people (like my mother) eat chocolate? Swiftly.

I wonder who comes up with these names because frankly I think I would quite enjoy that job.

And then looking at my two big orange jugs which are to hold 48 hours of piss just kind of takes that feeling away. Especially the one with acid in it. Which, as the technician told me, "You don't pee directly into because..."

"It might splash up and BURN ME?!"

"Yes."

I would kind of like to take them to work with me, swinging them casually while on the subway. Leaving them in the office fridge for anyone to investigate and possibly sample.

At least they are a pretty colour.

Sometimes I'm amazed I don't get kicked off of blogspot for lack of use.

Oh well.

I believe a quick catch up is in order before I start swilling my midol down with a glass of wine.

Paul's party was fabulous! We had 25 people over drinking French Martinis and singing karaoke songs until 2 in the morning. Scotch was then consumed by Paul and a few other sordid characters until 3am when the party finally shut itself down. I woke up the next morning pondering a sore throat, was I finally getting the cold I've been fighting for the past week or is from totally nailing Material Girl by Madonna!

After being blown off again and again by now the subcontractor, the painter finally showed up and did some half ass repair work. But evil contractor is not responding to any of our calls or emails requesting a timeline since we THOUGHT this would take 2 days to finish up and we are now into the 2nd week with no end in sight. And now Paul would like to add CRAP JOB BY PAINTER to the agenda when evil contractor finally does call.

Time to give Jakob a bath, he smells bad as all 7 year old boys do.

Paul's birthday is tomorrow. I feel I should showcase some of the posters that will be hung, celebrating him and all his super-powerness.

More will be posted tomorrow - tonight, I clean, figure out the menu for the party...and hopefully sleep.

February 17 - no show, no call, no apology.

On Saturday he calls and leaves a message rescheduling for Monday February 23 but no call back confirming time. Finally emails Paul late last night to confirm 6pm TODAY.

Oops, nope, can't do it. Just called, double booked himself with his family.

So...tomorrow morning, 8:00 am.

If only people would have bet money on his actually showing up - I'd have a new carpet in my living room by now!

I ____ my contractor.

We are experiencing a dark cloud over the house - the kids are alternating sicknesses. Satchel now has strep throat and I'm frantically trying to find a doctor friend at home who will phone in a prescription for antibiotics.

My biggest fear is that Jakob will get strep...and then I will lose my mind. For good. FOREVER.

So...I may have mentioned that our contractor was to meet with Paul yesterday at 8:00am to walk through the house, finalizing the final few jobs needing attention under the warranty list and how much time it would take. Because he really wants to finish everything up this week.

Yeah, he didn't show.

Didn't call.

Didn't email.

He finally emailed Paul in response to his many phone messages and emails this afternoon to say he's at home with a cold and would call tomorrow or the day after to reschedule.

I wonder if he's feeling the huge number of toothpicks I have jammed into my voodoo doll?

Oh Mike Holmes, dressed in your undershirt, overalls and heavy gold chain, where are you when we need you?

My valentine present (minus the crazy person) from my darling husband:

The stress of sitting still for nearly 10 seconds almost made Jakob's head pop.

Pop.


My belated valentine's gift to you: DO NOT SEE PINK PANTHER 2, otherwise known as the film that completely destroyed Steve Martin's career. It will lead to excessive head banging against concrete structures and the damage to your children by the long stream of cursing over the $40+ spent to see such crap...well, the poor little things will have not only lost their innocence but may never get over the trauma.