I am such a slacker - how many days has it been since I last updated this blog? I'm surprised anyone checks in any more to find out how much I've had to drink or what Jakob's been up to.

Hmmm, now I'm getting the paranoid feeling that there is nobody out there, that I'm just writing to a big empty room.

Helllooooo! Anybody out there?

Oh well, this always has been a little on the self indulgence side.

So yes, I have a drink beside me BUT I have also have the kids painting blown out Easter eggs.

And I'm trying to fit in guitar practice, the taxes that are looming over my head, organizing the Easter surprises and egg hunt for tomorrow...and I can't find my baskets or special Easter bags ANYWHERE so I'm about to lose my mind.

I'd better post this or I will get completely caught up on the preparation and you will NEVER hear from me again - because I will have been institutionalized.

March Break: 1st day off work to spend quality time with the children.

I woke to the sounds of Jakob screaming, frustrated by his DS. I made a promise to myself that this would not push me over the edge. Instead I came downstairs smiling, asked them how they slept and made breakfast. Jakob ate only half saying he was full. He really wanted to get back to his DS. Satchel is boycotting Jakob. Ignoring any and all requests for help with the DS.

Our house smells like poo. Where is it coming from? I wonder. I throw out all the garbage, the food waste, clean the cat litter and Lysol everything. Next step will be febreezing the furniture. Thank god for chemical products.

I'm trying to get the kids out the door to go to Wizard World. I think my period is going to start. Satchel refuses to get dressed.

I'm going to drink more coffee. Is it too early to throw Bailey's into it?

It's March break and I'm taking Thursday and Friday off work to spend with the boys. I feel that I have successfully created enough bitterness and resentment in the children by sending them to daycamp for 3 days, that we can now fully enjoy Thursday and Friday.

But I will hold returning them to camp on Friday over their cute little heads if they do not do an exceptional job cleaning the bathrooms, folding the laundry and emptying the cat litter box.

Because, truly, what says March break combined with parental love more than that?

It's been a long winter.

The calm before the storm that was Paul's party.


The reindeer had a hangover. He's still recovering.

I look forward to the end of this week. These past 10 days have been...insane. I was sick with a serious head cold and then flu bug all while trying to plan Paul's birthday blow-out weekend.

But...it was a success! I had told Paul I was inviting the usual suspects from the neighbourhood because he would have been suspicious if I had said:

"Nope, not doing a thing. Just make sure you're home by 8pm YOU GOT IT?" He can read me like an open book.

So he was thrilled Saturday night with various people showing up that he never have expected. Especially Kathy and Geoff - 2 of our favourite people from just outside of London (it was very difficult to actually let them go home on Sunday).

In total, we had at least 25 people...all crammed in my kitchen. I had tried luring them into other rooms by spreading food around, but with no luck. They knew where the booze was.

Sunday I had Paul's family over for dinner. By then I was feeling wretched again. And this was with me abstaining from drinking all weekend - well 2 glasses of wine Saturday night which really doesn't count if you can hold the entire amount you drink in both hands at the same time.

Today is the last of the madness - this morning was the "get up early and sit by the computer with phone in hand in hopes to enroll the kids into summer camp programs and swim lessons run by the city" day. I was moderately successful but now have to try to switch sessions or cancel sessions if they will let me. And tonight is my 5th guitar lesso for which I must have clocked in probably...oh let's say...0 MINUTES OF PRACTICE this past week between cold/flu and the arranging of Paul's party.

Plus I started my Illustrator class last night so am now officially a student.

I'm also having some serious issues with Jakob - which could be compounded by Paul's work schedule (in that he's always at work). Not sure what direction to take - maybe family counselling? Poor little guy, he's tricky.

I'm cold, I'm miserable, I'm sick as a dog. Stupid head cold. Stupid stupid head cold. And that it's -10 plus windchill, going down to -20 tonight, going up to -10 plus windchill tomorrow...freaking insane.

At least I didn't shave my legs. Need all the layers you can get for warmth.

We never have to go to New Brunswick again!

Sobey's sells donair kits and for $6.99 + cost of necessary beer, they are not too bad!

I will write this in small letters...

...quietly tapping...

...because I'm hung over.

I'm on my third cup of coffee.

I went to the IDS08 show last night where they were handing out free glasses of wine and free martinis. And my parents brought me up right, they taught me that you can't say no when free martinis are being offered. Not even after 6 times. In fact it's most polite to walk around clutching two glasses at once.

But I have exciting news to pass on, Satchel is student of the month and I have an assembly to attend. An assembly with over 400 children laughing, yelling, clapping...and it will be hot, and loud, and crowded...

I am so proud of him, which I will remind him of...quietly.

Please welcome the newest addition to our little family...

Bambi.



Isn't he beautiful and shiny?

I swear I'm slightly autistic, just swing a shiny bauble in front of me and I'll pretty much do anything asked...while drooling.

But here's an interesting observation on the differences between men and women (and this is just a generalization so no need for any nasty responses):

I picked this up while Satchel was at his party at the Rivoli on Sunday. I said to my friends that I just have to nip out for a minute to get this thing I bought. My girlfriends asked what it was and I said "a SHINY DEER HEAD!!!" Because that's how excited I was. One friend said "Meg, I love you! I thought you were going to say a dress or something not a SHINY DEER HEAD!" Another girlfriend said "Meg, you're crazy I can't wait to see it! I love your sense of style!" I don't know if you can really call what I do to my house style though.

A male friend said "Meg, are you drunk?" Another father said "Yeah, how much have you had to drink?"

I was sober by the way. Stone cold sober but delirious with joy.

When I brought it back in, everyone gathered around to see it.

All the women thought I was crazy but loved it. All the men thought that I had been drinking.

Now Paul, when he saw it? He rolled his eyes and I'm pretty sure THOUGHT I had been drinking.

I can't believe 5 days have passed since I last wrote. It might be because it's hard to type while in a straight jacket.

This past weekend I booked us into the Sheraton on Queen Street and after a miserable drive to the hotel on Saturday (a 15-minute drive took an hour and involved me grabbing the kids and abandoning Paul and the car even though we were only a small block from away - but slim chance of actually reaching the hotel before check out time the next day) checked in.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before but I consistently have THE WORST LUCK EVER when being assigned a room. This time, after waiting nearly an hour in line to check into the hotel (computer problems), I took the kids to our room on the second floor across from the ice and pop machine. Also the floor that management has sequestered all university students celebrating the end of reading week or perhaps celebrating the last bit of freedom before reading week starts...or perhaps just drunkenly celebrating.

Jakob was adorable when he first saw the room. He went into the bathroom and yelled out "Mommy, you've just GOT to see this! We have a BATHROOM! And look, there's a bathtub and a shower too!"

The other positive (almost as fabulous as having our own bathroom) and why I booked the hotel room was that the Sheraton has a swimming pool that is half inside and half outside which we took advantage of after seeing Spiderwick. The pool was fabulous, the kids had a great time. It felt almost magical breaking through the barrier separating inside from outside, where the mist rose from the water because of the temperature difference. It's unfortunate that the temperatures never seems to want to rise above -10 (-20 with wind chill) because you had to keep swimming under water to thaw out your head and hair.

It really was a fabulous time because being in a hotel encourages you to sit on the floor with your children for ages playing Go Fish and really treasuring the time.

How I spend a PD day.

8:30am: I have pictures taken of me on the toilet by Jakob.

11:00am: Jakob and his friend plot how to destroy the house and render me insane.

11:16am: Jakob and friend wonder whether it would be fun to pee on me. NOOOOO! I scream and feed them pop corn as a distraction.

11:55am: Kick Jakob and friend out of kitchen demanding silence and that they play gameboy, giving me a chance to work on a project I had promised my brother over a month ago.

1:00pm: Feed kids lunch.

1:30pm: Take kids to friend's parents' house and go to No Frills.

Now I am home, it's 3pm and the house is quiet. I kind of want a drink.

For my brother:

Jakob's haircut. Nary a nit, lice, or 666 to be found.

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone!

Paul and I are having a romantic dinner prepared by Marcket Fine Foods and are indulging in a sparkling wine infused with strawberries. And thinking of all of you.

Jakob made a beautiful Valentine's Day card at school, complete with many hearts and a photograph of himself. Is it for me? No. Paul? No. Satchel or the cats? No. It's for his best friend Zachary. Bugger.

But then again, what did I get from Satchel? Oh right, NOTHING.

I have attached a few Valentine pictures for you.

This is my favourite Valentine card from last year, given to Paul which still graces the magnet board in my kitchen.

Jakob and Satchel's dessert. Jakob is saying it's not very good and why won't Paul open up his chocolates and share with him RIGHT NOW?

Finally, a couple of crazy bobble heads given to Satchel (flying pig) and Jakob (crazy cat) as little Valentine's presents. Jakob took great issue because he is positive they are GIRL presents and may burn when touched.


I kind of wish I had bought more than one bottle of the strawberry infused wine.

Humility = practicing the guitar with your 11 year old son.

With Satchel telling me every few minutes that I'm "doing it wrong."

Jakob DID get a hair cut on Saturday and I will post a picture of him tonight. He opted away from the buzz cut, afraid that his friends (okay, friend) would not like him any more, wanting just a slight trim instead. We compromised and he looks adorable.

My fear during the cut was that the stylist would find lice and scream. I stood like a sentinel, eyes peeled, practicing what I would say over and over in my head. Each Age Does Get Better Eventually.

I'm stepping back in time, to a day where we didn't have to scrape the frost off the INSIDE of our car.

Friday.

Friday I was asked to help with Jakob's class for the afternoon. Scientist Linda was coming in to talk to the kids about animal coverings and adaptation, bringing lots of samples and rumour had it, something ALIVE (hermit crabs: one social, one reclusive). As I led my little group of 4 children through the exercises and assignments and experiments, I realized that I could never be a teacher of small children because I could never promise to NOT TALK TO THE CHILDREN IN MY ANGRY MOMMY VOICE or swear a few times for good measure. As one little boy came very close to finding out.

After we returned home from school, I had little time to feed Satch and Jakob dinner before Satchel and I had our very first guitar lesson.

By the time the hour was over (6 chords, 2 simple songs later) I thought I would weep openly from the pain of having steel strings carve away at my finger tips.

But it was so much fun. Over the weekend I would sneak away and try to practice without Satchel knowing because he is totally going to blow me away with this.

The big difference I notice between an 11 year old brain and a 43 year old brain is... that I retain NOTHING. The guitar teacher used EVERY AGE DOES GET BETTER EVENTUALLY to represent the strings. I kept forgetting.

So Louis, by the way? It doesn't.

I am going to cry. The lice is back.

This time Satchel.

Tomorrow a haircut for Jakob, I am completely over the passion for his curls. And I will be making an appointment for Satchel with my stylist. They can be shaved. I am beyond caring.

And I don't know what the deal is with my cold, but I am so bloody tired. By 9:00 pm I can barely function and just want to sleep.

Jakob wants a buzz cut.

I don't think I'll be able to watch his beautiful blonde curly locks fall to the floor without weeping.

Plus, the way he acted yesterday at the Factory Dance Party thrown by Andy Warhol (looking quite good considering how long he's been dead), I'd be afraid the 666 might show.

Jakob is having his first sleep over tonight, at his best friend's house. I've packed his triangle blanket, his baby tiger, his DS...the essentials.

I'm still struggling with my head cold, which has manifested itself as a persistent headache that makes me want to drive sharp objects into my forehead.

Paul has taken Satchel and his friend to a movie. I've passed on it because I can't even imagine what surround sound would do to me, my head would explode and then think of the mess the minimum wage cleaning staff would have to take care of.

So, I am alone in the house. Don't really know what to do with myself except...ENJOY IT! TREASURE EVERY MOMENT OF IT! At least until the inevitable phone call comes...either Jakob needing to come home, or his friend's parents needing him to come home.

We are in the midst of a snow storm. The schools are closed, the kids are home, the cats are yelling at me.

After a short day at the office I am back to drinking tea, popping cold medication and looking bleary eyed at the Pokemon cards Jakob keeps thrusting into my hand.

Fortunately he always gives me CRAP cards so I really don't have to pay attention to what I play, unfortunately Jakob NEVER lets the game end. Always funneling more cards into my pile so that the game will go on (God help me and my pounding head) FOREVER.